"When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings. Hugging with mindfulness and concentration can bring reconciliation, healing, understanding, and much happiness."
Thich Nhat Hanh
I've got a friend who hugs with intention, and sometimes, perhaps because I regularly and neurotically fear the end of things, I never want to let go. If it weren't for the extreme jealousy of my 11-month-old puppy, I might hold on to his hugs for 47 minutes. (It's kind of hard to move along in your day when every hug is 47 minutes, by the way, though I could probably start using it as another way to procrastinate on crap I don't want to do.)
Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese monk and inspirational teacher in Western Buddhism, had some confusion around hugging when he first came to the US during the Vietnam War. Hugging is not traditionally part of the Vietnamese culture.
He started his time in the states as a professor at Princeton. Dude. Why couldn't I have been so lucky to have a Zen Master for a professor? Might have been because there's no way I could have gotten into Princeton, or afforded it, and he was teaching comparative religion, which I likely would have been too stoned to wrap my head around.
Anyway, he was a Zen Master, a Stanford professor at the time, and has become multi-lingual in at least seven languages. A badass by any definition. But hugging? No bueno.
But his intention, and the intention of several Buddhist teachers that arrived in the West during the 60s and 70s, was to translate the culturally-relevant Buddhism of the East into a version that is culturally-relevant in the West. It's not a new religion, it's not watered down, it's just that instead of, say, prostrating oneself when praying, as is the case in countries where bowing in general is a regular part of everyday life, you might, I don't know, hug instead. (By the way, no one is stopping you from prostrating, but make sure that you recognize there are two r's in there, because I'm not talking about prostating. I don't even know what that would look like, but I feel like it may be inappropriate to discuss in a blog post about spirituality. Maybe?)
So Thich Nhat Hanh embraced the embrace and developed a hugging meditation. Hugging meditation honors the traditional Buddhist belief that everything is connected, and when we hug we physically manifest that belief. It's a moment to quiet your mind and open your heart, penetrating the thick layers of defense that keep us separate.
So there you are. Hugging. Staying aware, feeling another's heartbeat, holding and being held, and pinning yourself to the present moment. Sharing a vulnerable and therefore courageous heart as you hold another's inherent goodness. If you want me to put it in the current commercially-available term, you are being mindful.
In those moments you can reconnect with your flawed human-ness, drop your shoulders and foster humbleness. You can develop a mysterious understanding of what lives beyond our minds, and even beyond our hearts, in an interconnected universe that holds us with deep compassion. You can have faith that in these connected moments we develop the heart to have trust in a shared unity and destiny, even when we're alone, quiet, and not engaged in 47 activities at one time. Even when we let go.
Mindfulness is an intentional hug, spirituality is knowing it's ok to let go of that hug.
Caveats and general housekeeping:
- No religious scholars or Buddhist teachers have verified any of the above and I could be making it all up.
- I'm not a life coach, so, you should probably make your own damn decisions about hugging.
- Yep, you caught me, I'm a Buddhist.
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